A Letter to Members and Friends of the Brooklyn Society

November 20, 2016

Dear Members and Friends of the Brooklyn Society:

We find ourselves in front of a computer trying to write a letter to our members and friends while feeling challenged, because words can seem so insignificant at this time. We write this today, following our Wampanoag Platform where we were able to cherish the ritual as it was gifted by an indigenous leader over 27 years ago and shared by Remi Gay. We gathered to give deepened attention to our thanks and our giving, in dance, in ritual and in song.

“Ethical Culture Grace”

For the fruits of field and forest, farm and garden, river and ocean;

For our people who give their lives to rearing and cultivating our food and to transporting it on the highways and waterways of the earth;

For shelter and for raiment;  

For comradeship in work;

For fellowship in leisure, and for healthy recreation;

For the beauty of nature and art;

And for all the blessings of democracy and freedom;

We lift up our thankful hearts.

Now more than ever we need community engagement. While we each move in the world in a wide range of ways, we carry with us common values and care for community that strengthens our collective capacity to show up for good. Remembering Eddie Ellis, (who visited our society four years ago, before his passing), there are three elements required to build for and achieve sustainable change: personal transformation, community engagement and institutional accountability. (That platform can be found here.  Eddie Ellis at BSEC 2012 )

The practice of acting and living ethically is in the details of how we do it. Recent BSEC collective acts include: organizing to divest from fossil fuels, supporting Black Lives Matter with a celebration, banner and statement to declare it, convening community conversations until we agree to a concept for accessibility and an approach to how we will pay for it, helping our eldest, Annemarie Mogil to resettle in her new home following displacement, gardening along permaculture principles and marching in support of the native peoples at Standing Rock who are protecting the water in North Dakota from the oil pipeline. This is what living and acting ethically looks like.

We come to BSEC for both ourselves and others; to have a place where we can purposefully act, learn and connect. By example, sharing milestones is more than a personal sharing as it serves to build community and weave our own web of connection, while we also act outside and beyond our walls.

The Sunday after the presidential election we had a full house. The need for and the power of community sang proud as we collectively pledged to stand for justice and solidarity. The results of this election have thrown us off balance, but it challenges us to fully live our values. We see how fear, hatred and anger are being communicated loud and clear. It makes our message of sustaining a community based on the opposite of those things— love, compassion and care— all the more needed. Our community serves as a vehicle and a source of connection as we move through these times. “Sunday at 11:00” means we have a place to be, and a community from which to act. Through our own committees and any other work you may do in your life, we gather and know we are part of something much larger than ourselves, connecting and enhancing our practice.

We want to acknowledge a recent shift in leadership taken on by several members. Vandra Thorburn is back on the board after many years active at the committee level. And Muriel Tillinghast has taken the position of Committee Chair for the Ethical Action Committee.  Each time a member or friend steps up to give service and demonstrate responsibility and leadership, we all benefit.  Keep in mind, next June we will have three open slots on the board!

Our Winter Member Meeting is now planned for Sunday, January 29th after platform. We hope you will save the date and come as we practice our democracy, exchange information and discuss issues that concern us from the three different levels of engagement.  All are welcome, members and friends. If you are considering membership, please speak to a board member, Jone or Taty and we will welcome you and help you find ways to contribute to our society.

We want to thank all of you for making our work as President and Vice President of the Society a true labor of love. We are glad to have you in our orbit at BSEC.

In peace and solidarity,

Rebecca Lurie, Board President
Janice Novet, Board Vice-President

Pictures of our Wampanoag Ceremony 2016​

20161120_112653

Every year, BSEC celebrates this time of the year with special attention and respect to our Native American communities during a beautiful intergenerational ritual we call the “Wampanoag Ceremony”.  The event is led by Remi Gay, a former board officer and long-time member of Brooklyn Ethical who has been granted permission by Native American elders to perform rituals honoring our earth. This special platform is usually a chance to gather as a community of all ages, to sing, dance and meditate on our planet together. This year, the ceremony was particularly relevant.
We thank our members, friends and guests for sharing the day with us, and especially Remi Gay for leading us through such a beautiful ritual.
A few pictures of the event can be found below:

 

Pictures from our Pledge Dinner Party 2016

Pictures from our Pledge Dinner Party 2016

Once a year something deliciously fun happens at BSEC. Our Pledge Dinner, which is an event full of humor, surprises and most of all, community. This year’s Pledge Dinner, last October 28th, was no exception. Thanks to the beautiful organizational efforts of Vandra Thorburn and Damal Edmond, last Friday was full of warm conversations, yummy food and whimsical costumes. Our leader Jone Lewis also managed to write a short play that punctuated the evening with laughter, but that also brought into focus our mission, and how important each individual contribution of effort, care and financial donations are to keeping our society alive. Thank you all who attended and gave of their time for helping make the evening such a success!

 

Apologies – the Short Version

 

Apologies written on a napkin

From my platform address on October, the quick summary.

What’s included in an effective apology:

  1. Acknowledgement that the other experienced hurt or harm.
  2. Acceptance that my action was a trigger for the hurt. (words are a kind of action)
  3. Indication I have had a change of heart.
  4. Indication that I will not do it again and, ideally, even will work to repair the harm. Some kind of restitution, restoration.

And my rules about apologies,

  • Rule 1: include what the action actually was that triggered the hurt or harm
  • Rule 2: actually say YOU did it
    • 2a: don’t apologize for someone else’s actions, as in “I’m sorry you misunderstood” or “I’m sorry other people have hurt you before” — the latter is an expression of sympathy, not an apology)
  • Rule 3: acknowledge that the other is hurting or harmed and what that harm is (no “IF you’re hurt”)
  • Rule 4: don’t include an excuse (especially the excuse that they did something to “cause” you to do what was done)
  • Rule 5: don’t minimize (words like “just” or describing the action in a way that makes it seem more minor than the other may have received it)
  • Rule 6: don’t include an attack on the other (that seems pretty clear)
  • Rule 7: don’t force apologies out of others (if they don’t really regret the action, or the hurt, the apology won’t ring true, and there’s no change of heart)
  • Rule 8: don’t expect an apology to erase the past (repaired hurts still leave scars)

If you’d like to hear the whole platform address, it’s here: The Problem With Apologies (SoundCloud)